Lets forget the negatives.

10.31.2005

@3:48 PM

This is fer u jules

If someone should hurt you
and say a thing unkind,
Remember what I write to you,
and keep these thoughts in mind.

For everyone that makes you cry,
there are three to make you smile,
And a smile will last a long, long time,
but a tear just a little while.

Don't let someone who hates the world
cause you to hate it too,
Behind the clouds is a Golden sun,
and a sky that's full of Blue.

If someone said a thing that's cruel,
don't let it get to you,
Your achievements are greatly numbered,
and your faults are very few.

this one of the poems i liked..and i write this to u..

Merci poure, le triste

10.28.2005

@10:25 AM

hmm i took this test just now..this is wat they say..kinda true actualli..

You are feeling really miserable at this time and you'd like to form a relationship with someone with whom you could really communicate. At the same time, whoever it may be, that special 'someone' must not conflict with your own belief system or ideals. This makes for tough going - but it would seem that the situation is only transitory. It will soon pass.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality
..

hmm the last part where it says"You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality"....not sure bout this..normalli i go my way..nyahaha..i din imitate lorx...im a unique individual...maybe last time during pri sch i tend to imitate..heh..slenger times...

Merci poure, le triste

10.27.2005

@12:20 PM

yea thats rite..i din even bother to have my breakfast..i din even bother when my mum shouted at me in the morning..i din even bother to wake up in the morning...and now..im not gonna touch a finger on the housewerk...i dun wanna bother...hmm maybe ill go to ma grandparents house...yea...

2morro basic science ut and enterprise...hmm mybe ill just come for ut...i couldnt be bothered actualli...sleepin in was fun...heh..eh..wait..nono fri must come..ill be going to watch movie...heh..since ma poly frens cant make it..haishhh..

julie babe...ur not lonely in this road fer i will be the hand that will be in urs facing whatever obstacles..=)

Merci poure, le triste

10.26.2005

@10:22 PM

ARGGH!! what the hell is wrong with all the tagboards?!

this is for

jules: hey babe..ur the most important part in my life..u r no small bug...ur significance in my life is great!!=)it seems that mums are realli hard to please...so we just gotta try i guess...hari raya is making us tired...cleaning and all...about your grades...dun wallow in them..keep trying..dun give up...i'll take ur hand and walk u thru if u need me..ill be here..and all bad luck dun befalls on u!! i luv ya babes

van!:ive been trying to tag u like so long...its so frustrating sia!! hmm anyway..i think that the shirt u bought is so cool lahz..hahaha..and yeah i think the both of us are going mental on wednesdays...science ..omg...*pulls hair*

yani: i have no idea y i cant get into ur bloggie..so frustrating..i think its ma com..but den again..i dunnoe..heh..

riri: heys i think all u can do now is relax...dun think too much...aites..im here fer u babe..my dear riri..haha

today sucks..it alwasy sucks..y life sucks..hahaha..hmm sucky world out there...

Merci poure, le triste

10.25.2005

@1:23 PM

Seriously just get the damn message ok?!

i can neither commit
for i never feel
nor i can see
our future unveil

your worthiness
have been measured
on a scale
which tilts

you have been told
yet u persists
i cannot wallow in this
dillusional world u built

ok that's that...

was sitting at the plaza in RP thinking what have i done to make my situation better ..afraid i have not ...how could i?
i wallowed in the darkness thinking i could see the light when i have not made the freaking effort to help myself...
but then again..everytime i tried i kept falling deeper...such strong roots have grown under me...i could not move either ways but sway in the dark storm ...storm which was never ending...

i can't believe that i was thinking abt dat when i was actualli at a talk with pris n jules...sliding into deep thoughts again...

these few weeks the smile that was fixed upon my lips are infact getting more...fake...
i havent feel free..im trapped...a life just to please others...and that's where i came up with this decision...

i'm giving up at everything that i have..be it studies or friendships or watever problems that might arise..im just gonna give in..its no use fighting it for they always win..ALWAYS WIN...

Merci poure, le triste

10.24.2005

@9:43 PM

confusion is all around me...i neither noe who i am nor know who are around me...this lack of awareness is reali getting into me...its so frustrating...sometimes i just wanna give up everything i have and let it rot... then again i would be selfish...to think that only my frens have been beside me is so haiz i dunnoe...all the couz are overseas..pathetic man..was going on a cruise..shasha is in australia..abang wiil be going to london soon...wan is having his o levels..hm we've grown apart this year....but then again who could blame him...he has his stuffs...

hmm the hse...is in a freaking big mess...literally and behind the scenes..i dunnoe wats gonna happen anymore..i can't be bothered anyway..like watever..im just gonna rot at grandma's house...hmm yea i think that would be best...so much easier...ill be happy there...hmm my *prob is getting better..thou its been hard not to be tempted by it..hahahah...

Merci poure, le triste

10.22.2005

@10:43 PM

Friendships...are complicated stuffs... should u tell ur fren off if they are ruining something u want and need? Will they be hurt? questions to ponder on...

on thurs went to geylang with jules yani dan n azfar..heh went beach road...so fun..had a very enjoyable time...i felt as if all my sorrows are gone with the wind..walking together with yani n jules..i forgot how great it feels like to be free...if i was able to shop that would be much much better..I fell as if i was really breathing...

friday...heh stopped at raffles town club busstop..heex cos i saw vanny...surprised her actualli...she saw her cute guy...happy lor she...den ...after dat i feel shitty..eh im lame lah...wah feel shitty like everyday...couldnt help jules with her vb..pathetic fren man me...i couldnt even comfort her abt her grades lah..haish..loosing ma touch...

went to lot 1 after dat..heex so fun..hadljs fer buker..den wennt to take neos!! my god were crazy lahz..but it was so fun!!i missed them so much!!! huggs hugss!!* infinity!!!Gonna book chalets!!

to sharin...strong..its not easy...ill walk with u hand in hand if u ever need me...smile always..be true to ur heart..luv ya..
to pris...stay cheerful and hapee...i noe i have sucked fer the few days...sorri bout dat..appreaciate ur u have to be concern...=)luv ya..
to van...i realli like the way u ask me abt how i am n all..so unique the way u ask...kinda cute...hahaha...but yeah..thanks fer being a wonderful fren...luv ya..
to jules...ur cute and fun to be with..u make my day...ur there fer me..thanks babes..luv ya ..
to yani...i luv ya dear...im missing ur laffter too...the fun times we had..
to nana...preety pls go out with us net time..den we can hang around together...
to shu..thanks fer being there fer me..miss ya..luv ya loads..
to res...ehh!! lets be crazy again..im seriously loosing my touch..
to al...stay funky gal...u goin cruise..jealous*pouts..be safe..i want u back asap..
to feezz...sunnoe if she even remembers ma blog add..hm missya babes...
to ami...im missing u badly lah!! we should meet up twin sister!!
to shikin..my lovable shikin!! u were there when dat person*** stod her own sister up...we get more ice creams arx..man im so gonna get freaking fat siak...

a promise has been made...i will carry it out...

Merci poure, le triste

10.18.2005

@10:10 AM

heh..yest before going to the meeting i went town with julie babe...she wanted to buy Roti Boy...haish..dat gal... we went o meet her mum...and i had to climb millions of steps...*tired sia* hmmm.. in da bus..i suddenly remembered i havent blogged abt her....starting to blog...

hmmm...kenzi,pris,riri,dan,sing hao, jules and maself went to town to have lunch..this was 1day before fasting... so we caught a bus and sat at the top deck of i dunnoe which bus...111 or 132...
so...dan was busy disturbing jules...and den she just stared at the window refusing to talk to dan and stupidly left her hp on the seat just like dat...wat else i take lah...den pass to dan to keep...
i tot she saw dat...so when we reached all of us went to alight...she was left behind still searching her hp at the top deck...wah i felt a sudden rush of panic fer a while...but den me n dan went o fetch her up...lucky she wasnt crying man....den i'll be doomed...was so funny i just couldn't wipe that smile off ma face...did apologise like crazee after dat...hahaha..was fun lah...

hmmm now i blogged about now..present..that was then...i think ma life are all about near misses...just today i saw van..havent seen her fer a long time man...just her in her display pic on msn lah....i was actualli holding back with difficulty to shout her name across the buss full of peeps...i wanted to go down..but dat great big oaf sitting beside me was sleeping...and by the time i wanna try wake him up the door closes...was outing all the way....den alighted at far east..i tot van was in the 132 bus..but she wasn't!! My anger towards that big oaf was even bigger..had to keep remindin maself im fasting...

Yester day too ....saw ian...how i missed him...but den i was in the train...just looking at him past me with a shocked face...how pathetic was dat... he asked me to go back or alight den he meet me...but pity i was running late fer ma meeting...ouh...i so hate this life!!NEAR MISSES!!

Merci poure, le triste

10.16.2005

@10:01 PM

i'm freaking bored to death...

everybody in this world i noe is freaking busy..and me??im rotting...
i miss ma frens like crazy...thinking about them every second...
wonder if they think about me..
have ma doubts...they're too busy i guess...i'll never noe..heh..hmm how do i be busy?? *thinking really hard* no idea...

maybe ill just bugger off them fer a while..

Merci poure, le triste

10.13.2005

@7:42 PM

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

took the quiz from pris bloggie..quite cool i think...had culture and something module...

went fer lunch with riri..pris..kenzi..sing hao and jules..they were selling ice crean..wah dat one realli stirred up ma tolerence...and my ability to hold back man..so nice lah the ice cream...hahah...had a stroll wit jules..=) wished van was there..missing her..haish..
3rd presentation...

i think our team did good...team consistes of: shiyun, fad, jacob, yong xiang and maself...we did scenario 3...fad acting was so funny ..had the class luffing...that was the momment when the class actualli showed signs of liveliness...then the rest of da team olrite lah...i have to praise luke's team...different from the rest he did comic strip...was kinda cool...
***** the most hillarious group which i can't stop laughing at their short role play....tertius's...he had grace kissed him on da cheek..was so funny his facial expression was true...quote" MY GOD! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"
had the whole class luffing..tertius is so cute lahz...he even told me not to luff at him..and i think he was blusshing...wasn't able to see the color change..wahaha

went home with sharin and pris..tot of going home with van..she gt her CCA...hmmm..there's always next time ...

missing PF01-02A!! to ma babes and dudes..i luv yea peeps..

Merci poure, le triste

10.11.2005

@9:01 AM

This is for ma dear Riri...
She's noisy, crazy, crappy, and i dunnoe lah wat samore...
so many lorx!! so irritating!! say me never miss her!!
walau if i never miss u i wun be tagging u lahz...SLENGER! PUMPIOM!<--(van i noe dis werd!!hahah)

She's in da same class as azri!! I noe him sia...hahaha lisha's fren! kia kia kia!

Merci poure, le triste

10.10.2005

@9:35 PM

Sad souls lurking around..
Lost Souls is what we became..
So much desires yet so much barier..
Feelings that could not be overcome.

Dragged up..to face the world
a world full of ironies
Day and night
like a ragged puppet

A smile being sewed upon
Fixed
yet the heart
yearns to frown

Let me be free
It pleaded...
U r mine it replied
Rot there unworthy soul...

Merci poure, le triste

10.09.2005

@1:20 PM

Had a rough week....with things not going as plan...falling ill i guess...nobody cares anyway... feel wierd when spending time with ma family..i wonder if any of the families sat together chat forgetting about a family member...cos it happened to me...

was breaking fast together...den everybody spoke..i just ate and stared at ma own god damn plate...i din even taste the food..everything was so mechanical...after dat i just washed up then went to ma room....so i just rot in ma room and everybodi was like at the hall watching tv...after prayers dat is...

Then when they wanna turn in after theie enjoyable day with fun love and laughter...my Mum went in ma room...ANNOUNCING their retirement in a tone of i dunnoe..was it anger?disgust?dissapoinment?....i dunnoe

the thing that irritates me is that i dunnoe what i did wrong...i just came home the time that i normally come home...or that they saw me coming home with zahran? wth? of that i spent time with mohd? or what ? TELL ME!!

Things to do today: rot and be damn
pray
be more invisible

Merci poure, le triste

10.07.2005

@2:49 PM

0uh...guess waht im in enterprise class just now...the faci is kinda cute man..hahah so cool lah he..just dat he very strict on marking us lahz..walau...

hmm today jules not here..hahah kinda miss the gunduness..and the slengerness...haha miss pris huggs too..but i think ill get more later..hahah so fun lah...gonna take pics later..so happee...and i have an irritating grace at ma taggie..but its confirm not the grace in Pf0102A..i have ma suspicionsits norma..but yea i cant be bothere...

fasting month..llazy to bother with all these people...i'll pray for them to have a job or have somthing better to do...maybe they wun spam people's taggie...pathetic people need help..and come to me for help and asked indirectly..i hear ur pain..im praying for u rite now...

hmmmz gonna have fudge with my gang..woo0o wooo i like chocolate...hee hee..den gonna eat maybe 2 sia...need to feel happee...boost my endorphine level!!

miss ya PF01-02A!!

Merci poure, le triste

10.05.2005

@9:07 PM

Man i've been breaking down quite often these days... Life is just so painful..its ok i guess the wonderful month in the islamic calender has come to save me...feel thankful to god...

read van's blog...i dunnoe why..after i did dat i cried..it just hurts...damn the school life was fine the way it is and you have to change it...its true that our blocks are near but we're far apart...qoute " so near yet so far" ...

i feel that the only way for us to maintain this friendships if we stick together...maybe god's testing us...i dunoe...but to just say goodbye like dat is so saddening...truthfully i miss all of u guys...i crave for your embrance and the laughter we shared..but its like this now...dun give up on our friendship van...i reallli doo apreaciate the times we've speant together..it was the most memorable time in RP...

art club..so what...? We can always meet u noe...i dun need to be the same IG as lisha..i noe u feel left out...dun..cox u'll always be a part of us..now and forever!

Special: I love you guys... dun give up on our friendship just yet...

Merci poure, le triste